Spring
Break came and gone in a flash! Nearly. Monday through Wednesday were generally
ambiguous affairs wherein I enjoyed sleeping in until 7a.m., leisurely getting
ready to head to the lake, work up a glisten with some exercise, feed the duckies
(quack!) and other waterfowl, etc. I suppose each day had some variations;
Tuesday, for instance, brought the release of Disney's, "Tangled"
which, having enjoyed it on 3 occasions (née dates), I quickly snatched up.
Each day, I also took some time to visit Black Mountain Bicycles to check up on
my new ride, upon which I shall dote later. Thursday came with the pangs of
regret of not following my heart to San Francisco for Spring Break.
Originally, I was going to be in San Francisco during Spring Break,
enjoying the beautiful city sights, the delectable epigastric adventures via
the foodie haunts, and most importantly the company of one of the most
important women (people) in my life, Juliana. It was a foregone conclusion that
we would have had an enjoyable time, perhaps one that would have me reconsider
relocating...I'm being facetious, of course. Kinda. Anyways, as each
opportunity to pull the trigger on the trip and purchase some cheap plane
tickets came and went many times, I felt the pull of some inexplicable force
which kept me from doing so. It started to concern me to no end; to figure out
what was bugging me so much about going off to enjoy myself. Therein lay the
crux. This visit, if proceeded with, wasn't really going to be just about
myself.
Besides
the parental and familial concerns about this undertaking, my focus turned to
Juliana and I. The parental concerns weighed heavily on my mind because our
relationship ended over Juliana's tough choice between her parents and I.
Having had loving parents who raised her well, I stood no chance. Before,
however, our relationship came to that abrupt end we were party to many tough,
naive choices that we both could have made differently. Instead, we chose to
inextricably link ourselves together by decisions that lead to experiences we
could only share with each other.
I was
hurt and angry for a long time after. It took years to be able to recount this
story without bitterly or angrily tearing up. At first I was angry with
Juliana's parents. How could they be so disagreeable or dislike me so much?
What gave them the right? As time passed, my focus shifted to Juliana. Why
didn't she choose me? Didn't she love me? Was I not good enough for her?
Finally, years later, I took the steps to really learn from this experience by
looking at myself. The only person I have control over. Most of the time. (:
I had
the fantastic opportunity of being in a relationship where I was parentally
approved. Appreciated even. It felt great! Although that relatively short
relationship came to a natural, mutual end it taught me a great lesson. I never
want to put any girl in the difficult position of choosing between her family
and I (or any other significant other, for that matter); at least without
having serious reservations and giving serious thought to what we were getting
ourselves into.
That
brings to light another point. Even if my future significant other doesn't have
to contend with family pressure to drop me like a bad habit, she eventually has
to choose me, rather than settle for me. Progressing from friendship, to dating
& courting, and eventually marriage requires a relationship that's able to
evolve. Realizing that means, no matter how motivated or romantic I can get is
nothing without reciprocation or requite. In the end, putting all these
questions and thoughts together really drove home my own epiphany on the
matter.
From
the perspective of parents in general, if ever I'm to be blessed with children,
I could not imagine wanting anything but the best for them. Future spouses for
those yet-unborn children included. If I ever had a daughter, my little
princess would be deserving of the best prince in all the land (thanks
Disney!). What can I do about those yet undelivered offspring? Well, I can be
that prince. In other words I can be the best person for some lucky woman by
first being the best person I can be. At least it appears that way. That best
person I can be as an individual will pale in comparison to the best
collaboration I can be blessed with. Therefore, not only am I responsible to
bring my A-game to any future potential mate...she better bring it too!
In the
end, no matter how comfortable we'll always be with each other, Juliana & I
will always be an artifact of the past. Were her parents wrong to hate me and
interfere? No. Yes. Maybe? I know I'd want the best for my daughter, so I
suppose they're well within their right to voice their opinion. Wrong as it may
be. So, did Juliana love me? In the end, I'll have to go with an affirmative.
Was I good enough for her? No. Not that version of me. But that sword cuts two
ways, she wasn't right for me either, regardless of how stubborn I can be. I
loved her, dammit and that's all that mattered! I'm just kidding. So, in the
end, San Francisco was a no go. Obviously.
Thursday found me wandering around Temple grounds reflecting on
everything crowding my head. Feeding the ducks at the lake can be quite
therapeutic, however, the Temple goes much beyond that. Alice and I were aiming
to go feed the ducks this day. Luckily, Alice canceled at the last minute to go
to the Temple and allowed me more time to really let my thoughts marinade. I
further let those thoughts soak in as I attended the Temple on Friday evening.
It was great to visit the old shift. I saw many old friends I worked with
within. I especially enjoyed my time just prior to leaving as I had an
opportunity to visit with my best Temple buddy, Brother Dieter Merkle. Like
many of my friends at the Temple, Dieter is more than twice my age. That said,
he (as well as many of the others) are keen on my eternal progression;
specifically my romantic and social status. Dieter recounted stories with me
that I've never had the opportunity to hear before. One was the story of how he
met his wife and their whirlwind romance. It's always great to get to know a
good friend, better.
Saturday found me and the parental units visiting with my now-enormous
bellied sister Cheryl. Nolan's upward pointing butt was easy to spot when
looking at Cheryl's tummy. He was coming soon. Evan and I enjoyed some time at
the park as his mommy, daddy, lolo, and lola tended to house chores. Much the
usual whenever we visit. Coinciding with this weekend was General Conference.
As I recovered from play time with Evan, while suffering through some
allergies, my attention was piqued at the words of Elder Oaks and his talk
about priorities. Interesting. As we went about our activities hoping that
Nolan would make a call; it appeared, unfortunately, that Nolan wasn't going to
pop out today. I missed out on Priesthood as Mom, Dad, and I made our way home
to San Diego.
Less
than 10 hours later, Marilyn and Paul, Evan's daycare/school providers, were
contacted about watching Evan. It was 3 a.m.! Nolan was coming! I awoke to the
phone ringing before 6 a.m. to find out that Cheryl and David were at St.
Mary's. By 10 a.m. mom & dad were at the hospital while I drove separately
and made my way to retrieve Evanito. Right before picking him up, I called
Alice to let her know about my exciting Sunday. Eventually, Evan and I met up
with Lolo and Lola at the Madsen home, while Cheryl toughed it out on the labor
deck. My allergies began anew, a common thing at Cheryl's place, as I tried to
get more rest on the couch. I left Lakewood around 1 p.m. seeking some allergic
relief and also hoping to engage in other activities, knowing full well that
Cheryl would understand. Heck, she would have been the first to send me
packing. Why?
Cheryl,
and a very small group of my closest friends have heard a thing or two about
Alice. She is amazing! Cheryl knows that I've held her in high regard (maybe a
pedestal...haha) from the beginning, nearly 9 years ago! I was quite sure Alice
knew this too. I think that pedestal made me quite nervous, which is odd,
because it's not quite my modus operandi. In fact, at one point, after kindly
declining my attempt to kiss her, Alice pointed out that it appeared that I
went out with quite a few girls. Oops. Anyways, our friendship au courant finds
us with a pretty good foundation wherein we're pretty comfortable with each
other (I think). Back to the story.
While
driving home, and nearly to San Diego, I received word via text from David,
that Nolan showed up! All 9.5lbs. of him! Haha. Poor sister. Anyways, I
immediately lay down for a nap. I woke up nearly 2 hours later, nicely
rejuvenated with nary a sniffle or sneeze. Alice and I were going to go and
feed the ducks! Yippee! And yippee, indeed, we had a great time, albeit cold at
the end. Cold enough that I had the opportunity to hold Alice for a few moments
in an attempt to warm her up. It was nice. Being close to her, chatting, drew
up the desire, more than once, to kiss her and never look back. But I still
keep looking back. Even more than 5 years after being rebuffed. Anyways,
holding Alice, notwithstanding we made it back to the house to warm up and so I
could lend her my copy of Tangled, wherein she revealed that she possessed the
soul of a black woman! Isn't she great? And much like Rapunzel and Flynn AKA
Eugene, there's quite a bit of backstory that is being skipped over. We ended
up relaxing at home, enjoying some dinner, and watching part of Seven Brides
for Seven Brothers before getting to the witching hour...or at least sleepy
time.
I would
not exchange this Spring Break for any other. Despite it's late start, it ended
with a suitable amount of bang! I grew up a tiny bit, just in time for a new
young mind I can influence, while continuing to add to and build up a good
friendship. What's next? Stay tuned.
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